It’s time for some new leadership role models in pop culture
Exploring how past examples of successful business leaders are damaging // how gender tropes at work are perpetuated by pop culture // bad bosses // how I’ve shaped my definition of being a boss
I’ve been thinking a lot about vision, mission, values and how important this exercise is for businesses and leadership teams to do - especially as they grow and bring on new people. One client was just doing this exercise for the first time, another was refreshing theirs, while a third hadn’t looked at theirs in a few years. As each company is going through a transition, I see how vitally important this exercise is in each circumstance.
Which made me realize that I haven’t done this exercise for myself and my business since I went out on my own in 2021. And obviously, a lot has changed. In the world, in me, and how I see my business growing (more on that soon).
So I sat down to write my own mission, vision and values, and started to obsess over the idea of how to lead in a new, modern, way - as a woman, a working mother, a former in-house executive turned consultant.
I wrote down what I want:
To do things that matter, that are beautiful, and that teach people something
To work with people that are intelligent and curious, kind and compassionate, and funny
To promote products, brands and non-profits that are doing things for the right reasons, a better way, for positive impact
To empower those I work with - from founders & CEOs to junior marketing managers - to be their best selves and stay focused on doing things well
To keep Friday blocked as my Fun Friday adventure day with my toddler daughter
And then I wrote down what I DO NOT WANT // WHAT I WON’T TOLERATE (caps necessary.)
Dishonesty
Intentionally fleecing people (an actual demand from a former boss - i quit shortly thereafter and removed his shiesty company from my LinkedIn)
Phobia of any sort - implicit, explicit, unintentional - nope.
Mansplaining - It’s 2024. There’s no excuse for this. Just fucking stop it.
False urgency
Aggression / Intimidation as a leadership tactic
Shenanigans.
Wastefulness - time, money, carbon, any of it.
Because there have been work situations (in-house and as a consultant) where the manner of running the business did not vibe with my own personal values. That made me question why. What was it about those situations that caused such tension - and ultimately, my exhaustion, less quality work, team turnover and my own exits?
Was it the male-centric view of what it meant to be a leader? Based on all the years that only men were leading?!
The irony of Barbie was that it was not ironic at all.
Which isn’t to say I haven’t had female managers who also showed up in this {negative} pattern of behavior.
Like the boss who told me “people who leave here never prosper”- as I was leaving to work for the top luxury company in the world.
Or the manager who shamed me for posting about my ectopic pregnancy on social media, and then didn’t send flowers.
Or the one who pushed out my mentor and immediately showed how ill-equipped she was to lead.
In my kind moments, I think it is because they didn’t have any positive examples to show them how you could in fact be successful as a leader and not repeat the male / agro / “alpha” tropes that we’ve been fed. (In my less kind moments, I just think they are insecure assholes).
To further focus me and my exploration of HOW I want to be and WHO I want to work with, below are examples of toxic leadership I consumed in my youth (with some real life examples) alongside those that have helped me create my own definition of leadership.
TOXIC LEADERSHIP
The Aggro “Alpha”
Jack Nicholson as Colonel Jessup, A Few Good Men
I worked for a maniac like this once, my first job out of college. He had a set of Chinese medicine balls on his desk that he would throw near people - he claimed never at people - because his name was on the door and he could do whatever he wanted. Has anyone ever worked for one of these maniacs who scream louder than everyone else - and created good work? Kept a deadline? Worked harder? I don’t think so.
Now, in my 2nd decade of work, I know that the louder they scream, the weaker they are and the less they have to say.
The Puppetmaster in the Conference Room
Brian Cox as Logan Roy, Succession
Manipulating people, playing off their weaknesses and their people pleasing tendencies (of which women are usually evaluated by). This reminds me of another male boss, early in my career. He was like Iago, but not that slick. He was small: in stature, thinking, and glove size. And wasted so much good talent, as his creepy (and actually abusive) behavior made so many talented women run for the door.
This behavior was able to run rampant especially in the hustle, beer pong office culture that permeated everything the last two decades. When you’re made to feel like the office was home and your colleagues were family, it is easy to lose sense of your own autonomy and often prioritize keeping the peace. My advice to anyone who has ever felt like “wait, maybe my boss is the one creating all these issues and internal fighting” - go to a tradeshow, get drunk after being on your feet all day, and let the conversation rip. Maybe, everyone will agree to come forward one by one. Maybe….
The Lollipop King
Gary Cole as Bill Lumbergh, Office Space
Sadly, we have all worked for this guy. The “everything is fine,” empty suit. Contributes exactly zero, while spending their time just fluttering about. Says everything you want to hear - and then the exact opposite with the board. What’s most upsetting about these types is that you don’t realize that they are only made of hot air until it’s too late. You think they stand for something, that they are strong leaders, that they are the captain. But really, they are a lollipop king with showtunes playing in their head all day - only concerned about themselves.
They didn’t get to the corner office because they are effective leaders or have accomplished a lot. They got there simply by existing, their mediocrity and happy go lucky demeanor creating a winning combo. To think of all the creativity and innovation that has been stifled or dismissed by these types. And worse, to think of all the times they knew there was abusive behavior happening in their ranks and did nothing. It is my sincere hope that these middle management nothing muffins go the way of open floor plans.
The Dummy in the Driver’s Seat
George Gaynes as Commandant Eric Lassard, Police Academy
(#5 Assignment Miami Beach is the best one, fight me)
Do you remember your own optimism / hopefulness / naivete when you first entered the workforce? I remember thinking that those at the top must be the smartest and most accomplished. Similar to the Lollipop King, but more disappointing, is the Dummy in the Driver’s Seat. The one who really doesn’t know what they are doing. The one that constantly makes up their own rules of engagement as they go, but never writes them down or else someone could prove how full of shit they are.
I once worked for a guy who bragged about how intelligent he was, what a visionary he was. But his team begged for direction, a plan, a strategy. So when I presented a strategy (made with Google Slides) to the organization via Google Meet, my teammates were thrilled. Within minutes of the All Hands meeting, I got many enthusiastic THANK YOU! THIS IS WHAT WE NEED! exclamation point emails. And then an hour later, the so-called confident genius sent an email to the entire organization with only a link to this article “The World’s Greatest Communicators Don’t Use PowerPoint.” Within seconds, I received several “I’m sorry,” “Keep going, we need you,” “Please don’t leave” emails. I left two months later.
Because that’s the thing about narcissists. They can’t have a papertrail to hold them accountable. And they certainly can’t keep people around who see through them.
IN CONTRAST TO THE ABOVE, this exercise reminded me of the examples I’ve taken with me during my career and made me who I am.
The Boss
Joanna Cassidy as Rose Lindsey, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead
Rose was THE boss. Shoulder pads, petty cash, M&M bowl and all the power suits. She was a hard worker who made time to enjoy life (who doesn’t love a weekend in Santa Barbara?!) but above all, she was honest. When shit was hitting the fan, she told Sue Ellen everything. And even better, she listened when her protege came up with some pretty wild, out of the box solutions.
Which leads me to Sue Ellen:
The Stylish Changemaker
Christina Applegate as Sue Ellen Crandell, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead
She was like a sponge to Rose, learning from her and taking her example but making it her stylish own. When she didn’t know how to do something, she found someone who did. And then gave her the credit for the work (albeit after getting found out - but that was showing leadership potential!) She organized cross-functional teams to make the impossible happen and took care of those around her, like dear sweet Franklin.
The Trailblazer
Candice Bergen as Murphy Brown, Murphy Brown
My mother loved this show, so I watched it without understanding anything I was seeing as a 7 or 8 year old. But her shoulder pads and desk and overall badass-ness stuck with me. She was a working mother who commanded a room, and I loved the power she exuded. She was relentless about publishing the truth, a quality we need more of, frankly. And though I didn’t realize how revolutionary it was at the time, she blazed a trail in such a male dominated world and did it with class and panache.
FAIR IS FAIR / standing up for yourself and inspiring others to do the same
Helen Slater as Jean Davy, The Legend of Billie Jean
Who remembers this classic?! I remember watching this and thinking that I would never let a man take advantage of me and that it was powerful to use your voice for good. Maybe I was channeling this when I was a whistleblower (And now my NDA prohibits me from saying more).
Also to note - in looking for photos from The Legend of Billie Jean… they were all sexy, sultry promo shots of Jean Davy. Kind of disturbing when the whole premise of the movie is about a teenage girl who goes to complain to a bully’s father that his shithead son wrecked her brother’s scooter - so the dad tries to sexually assault her….
Which leads me to
Appropriate Rage.
Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope, Scandal
If you’re going to raise your voice, do it like Olivia Pope. With an unflinching strength that creates immediate impact and action. And only after stating your case, over and over again with fact and conviction. And when they don’t listen, explode. But watch out - because you’ll be judged for exploding, even though they weren’t listening - or shutting you down - in the first place.
I only exploded like her once in my career - but it was shutting down a racist founder who continued to bully people and make thinly veiled biased comments. I tried to kindly inform him that some of his language was inappropriate because surely he didn’t mean to upset anyone. When he leaned in and screamed that he could speak to his “workers” anyway he chose, I exploded.
So what do we do with all of this?!
Other than a somewhat challenging, sometimes funny walk down memory, that likely prompted recollections of your own mediocre managers - let this be a lesson.
That your instincts are always right, so when you see the pattern of past problematic leaders play out, you can make the choice to try to change things - as Diane Lockhart did. Or you can cut and run, like Billie Jean.
This is also a reminder that we can do better, can be better. And that the next generation of leaders is watching us now. Evaluating us, picking up our good and bad habits like a toddler, and determining how the future of work will really be.
Love this breakdown. I have a ton of horror stories to tell about awful bosses, mostly from my days in Hollywood. Thank you for this!